It’s always quite a to do every year when the Grammy nominations are announced and every year the Grammy Awards are a big deal and here in LA there are parties all over the place and everyone about breaks their arms patting themselves on the back for the sub-par music they’ve made. This year the field of nominees is as unimpressive as usual, but what’s different is that I can’t really think of anything that really deserved to be nominated. Maybe this should’ve been the year the Grammy people just got together and said, “Fuck it, nothing good came out this year, no one deserves to be rewarded.” I mean, honestly, what the fuck that was any good came out between October 07 and September?
2008 Grammy Nominees – Get more Docstoc Buzz
The thing I’m genuinely pissed off about is this Adele chick who got four nominations. I had never heard the Chasing Pavements song, so I checked it out on YouTube…It’s terrible. 1. The lyrics don’t make any sense. 2.She’s every singer from London ever, minus anything that makes the rest of them stand out. We already have Duffy, Kate Nash, Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen, all of whom bring something at least original to the game, she’s just kind of there, with this cute song about chasing pavements that lead nowhere. 3. She’s not even cute. Whenever I hear songs like this, where the girl can’t really sing and it’s backed by some melody we’ve all heard a million times laid over basic string arrangements, I just assume the girl has to be hot. What other reason could there be for people giving two squirts of piss about the song.
This girl has Lily Allen’s vocal ability and Amy Winehouse’s capacity for songwriting, minus the drug references and sly innuendo. Her songs are about as original as whatever the fuck Paul McCartney is doing these days and she’s the one who gets nominated for Record of the Year…OK. I’m blown away at why on earth this girl is famous, but at least she does something, so I guess that’s a win.
Lil Wayne leads the way with eight nominations, for his absolutely abysmal “Carter III” album. I suppose this is one of those things where the academy doles out awards for selling enough records to single-handedly prop up the faltering record company in this disturbing depressing economy. They should really just give that award out instead of hiding behind the misnomer of Album of the Year.
Here’s the thing, I love Lil Wayne. I think he’s our generation’s Hendrix, I really do, but The Carter III was terrible. It was an unmitigated disaster in every possible way. The singles (aside from Lollipop, which I will concede was hot, but even that song when put with the rest of the album was hollow, vacuous and completely void of the trademark brilliance and lyrical creativity that make Lil Wayne the amazing force that he is) were bad, the album tracks were bad and everything in between was bad. I listened to that album and all I could think was that the album sounded more like a cry for help than what was supposed to be his magnum opus.
I completely understand Wayne getting all the noms, though. It’s something of a lifetime acheivement award since the recording academy basically ignored his existence up until he moved 1 million units in his first week. That’s what the recording academy always does with rappers. Shovels them in with the best hip-hop solo performance until their careers are too grandiose to ignore and then throws a million nominations at them. See Kanye West, Jay-Z, Outkast, Eminem, the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy, et al. I’m pretty sure no one in the academy actually listens to the rap nominations. I’m convinced that’s why Eminem got all those nominations the year all the homos picketed, because no one actually listened to the fucking thing and when the gay protesters called them out on it, they couldn’t very well admit that fact.
All that said, here’s who I think will win. I base my Grammy winner formula on a mathematical formula of amount of records sold, level of fame, amount of surprise if this person were to win and how much people will give a fuck about the Grammy’s after it’s all done. That’s what it’s all about is making people remember who won, not whether their album deserved it. That said:
Record of the Year: It’s tempting to go with Krauss and Plant for that Godawful piece of shit they put out last year, given that they really should have gotten the nomination last year for this release, but I think the academy is trying to go young this year so I’m gonna go with M.I.A. “Paper Planes”. I’m pretty sure this album came out more than a year ago, but whatever.
Album of the Year: Lil Wayne “The Carter III”. I think after “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below” the recording industry realized that giving rappers Album of the Year awards improved ratings, so…
Song of the Year: Coldplay “Viva La Vida” They won’t really give Adele a Grammy, right? Right? I’m pretty sure Plant and Allison Krauss will win every other award they’re nominated for. But since they’re not nominated for this one…Dark Horse pick: Sara Bareilles “Love Song.” I think that album was one of the best of the year and one of the most surprising.
Best New Artist: Jesus Christ. I know the Grammys never go country but I’m hoping for Lady Antebellum. Seriously Grammys, you couldn’t have nominated one of these new worthless rappers like Piles or someone? They won’t really give Adele a Grammy, right? My pick: Duffy because she sounds like Dolly Parton and old people like Dolly Parton. Why won’t anyone admit she sounds just like Dolly Parton?
I’m not going to dip into the “best vocal performance” categories, but I absolutely love that “Chasing Pavements,” “I Kissed a Girl” and “So What” are up against “Bleeding Love,” “Love Song” and “Mercy.” It’s like they purposely put three girls that can’t really sing up against three girls who can. I’m glad the Grammy noms came out so we could all reflect on a supremely shitty year in music.
