Sure, that's funny, but imagine how shitty that guy must feel.
I was talking to a female friend of mine the other day and she was telling me a story about how unfair it is to her when she gets hit on by guys she isn’t interested in. More particularly she made a comment that at a bar she went to, that she really liked, she couldn’t muster up the desire and the courage to go back because she’d gotten hit on by the piano player at the bar who she wasn’t the least bit interested in and now if she goes back to the bar she’ll no doubt have to field his advances. In addition to my general lack of sympathy for girls who can’t just say they’re not interested (because honestly, if she had just said, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn’t interested he would have left her alone, but like all women being upfront with a man is a concept that’s lost on my friend due to 20+ years of female socialization) and my general lack of sympathy for girls complain about getting hit on (because God forbid someone you aren’t interested in finds you attractive and wants to pay you compliments, buy you things and make conversation), my main problem with my friend’s predicament was that she could only think about how awful the situation was for her. She gave no conscience whatsoever to the plight of the pianist who had come over to her and tried to pick her up.
Given that I don’t think my friend is alone in her naivete, I’m going to make a declaration, ladies: It’s hard trying to hit on you. Here’s how it goes.
1. You go somewhere, a social scene of some sort where alcohol is served. Sometimes you even have to pay just to get in and be granted the privilege of being around feminine company.
2. You look around for a girl who you might find attractive, who’s attractive enough but not too attractive for you, lest you be mocked for going beyond your attractiveness parameters
3. Once you find her, you have to hope she’s not already occupied by another guy or taking care of her drunk friend who’s too intoxicated to stand
4. You have to muster up the courage to go and talk to her.
5. You have to think of something clever to say. Not something too clever that it’s obviously a line, but clever enough that she’ll be interested enough to talk to you
That’s five steps before we even say a word to you. And what steps have you taken? You showed up.
After step five, there’s a number of different ways you can go with it, but no matter what you do, as a man, you’re always trying to be good enough. You have to be good enough that she won’t get bored with you, good enough that she finds you worthy of her time, good enough that she deems you worthy to spend more time in her presence, and good enough that she finds you romantically stimulating and not just stimulating as a friend, otherwise she goes away. All you women have is three steps total. For the entire interaction:
1. You show up
2. You listen to the pitch
3. You decide if you like it or not
Yes, I know, it’s tough for women to go out and have to bat away men who they don’t like, but imagine being on the other side. Imagine, if you will, continually being shot down and rejected after going through five preparation steps just to make the walk over. Do you have any idea how emotionally draining that is? After you’ve finally looked and looked and looked for someone you might want to talk to, finally psyched yourself up to talk to her, put the last set of rejections out of your mind and propelled yourself into the social stratosphere to go do it all again, do you know how much it stings to fail? Do you have any idea how defeating it is to go through those five steps over and over only to be rebuked time and time again, often in less than polite fashion, by the object of your affection just because you aren’t what she’s looking for? Of course you don’t, because you’re women. My advice to the women of the world is to imagine our struggle and our side in this vicious mating ritual.
Not only that, but you women are so critical of the “lines” we use. We have to use lines because when we just try and walk up with a “Hi, how are you?” we’re not original or captivating enough. So we resort to lines. We’re not all brilliant artists, masterful in the works of rhetoric, and for a lot of us just walking up to a girl is hard enough. We aren’t all poets and we weren’t all blessed with a silver tongue. Everything we say to you can’t be magic, because we’re just people. We’re human, and we are trying our damnedest to get over our fear of rejection and tell you something you like. I mean, really ladies, could you cut us some slack?
This doesn’t just apply to bars, this goes for any social situation that requires us approaching you and attempting to garner your favor. It’s tough. And I know there are some creepy, disgusting guys who say terribly inappropriate and dirty things, but they’re people too and all they’re trying to do is keep you from embarrassing them in public. Keep in mind that when you reject a guy, not only does he get rejected, but his friends see it, other girls see it and everyone that might be paying attention sees it and he’s judged for his failure. We go on risking public humiliation all for the solitary hope that maybe you’ll like us. So seriously, ease up.
I don’t mean this as a complaint because that’s how things are, men are lions and women are gazelles, I just think women should gain a little bit of appreciation for the struggles of being male.
